God my Adonai!

Cannot believe it has been since last December I posted anything.  So much has transpired over these last seven months.  Still suffering a sinus infection, and high blood pressure.  Old age is not for sissies!   However, our Lord God is do very good, and cares so much fir me.

My girlfriends mother went home to be with the Lord recently.  She was 97 years old, and was at peace the last five days.  What a contrast from my own mom's last days.  Also was a blessing to see her family rally around her, and those who could nit be there called and spoke to her as her daughter held the phone to her ear.   Even in her coma-like state, you knew she heard them, and there words of love and gratitude!

Presently, I  am enjoying the privilege to share the Word of God with our college girls, and the adult servers.  The Lord directed us to study Dr. Tony Evans book on "The Power of God's Names".  What an amazing study!   Truly until we come to understand and see Him with our spiritual eyes through the revelation of all His names, we really do not know Him.  We serve an awesome, amazing, loving, caring God who loves us so much, and desires to be involved in every aspect of our lives.

Due to this study, up to now, I have come to believe that we honestly limit Him because we may only see Him as Elohim, great, strong Creator, and/or Jehovah, the relational God.  But, we either overlook, limit Him by placing boundaries around us, or completely shut Him out as our Adonai.  The Lord and Master who rules all things.  Why?  Probably because of our independent tendency, pride, wanting, not trusting Him or needing to be in control rather than yielding our all to Him.  Scripture declares we are to be His slave or bond servant.  I believe, also, since we do not know or understand His character, or our relationship with Him, we fear He will hurt us.

Because of this study and seeing God through a clear lens similar to having a new lens implanted  after cataract surgery.  As the eye now sees clearly due to corrective surgery, so too,  is the eye of my heart which now truly sees Him as He is.   Much like looking into Crater Lakes crystal clear waters.

I believe this appears to be preparation of my future.  Much like the Lord prepared me as His new child for the future by placing me in Bible Study Fellowship ten months prior to my husband's death.  He made sure that this baby believer was circled by praying, and loving sisters in Christ, reading, growing through being immersed in Scripture.

 What might my future hold?  There is a possibility my breast cancer has returned.  My gracious Lord brought me through before, and if It us Hus will,  it could happens again.  However, at my age I will definitely need His direction and wisdom.  When I went through this the first time Isaiah 43:1-3 was my mainstay.  This time it will be the assurance and power of His names!  The outcome either way us in His Hands for He is my Adonai.  I need no other Lord or Master, I already have the best, my Lord Jesus.


May this message prompt you to seek Him out as Ge is through His names.  Buy the book by Dr. Evans, you will not be sorry!

New Years Eve; New Beginning

Tomorrow starts the new year starts tomorrow.  But, what a year 2013  has been.  It all began in January the twenty second, to be exact.  My left knee had been buckling for several years and the pain, at time, was excruciating and debilitating.  My doctor referred me a orthopedic specialist who suggested that at this time knee surgery was the best option.  Surgery went well, and I was released on my second day.  Unfortunately, my insurance would not allow me to go to a rehabilitation place.  So, thanks to my friends and church family, I had good care.  Chris, came for two weeks to clean the house, help me bath, and make sure I ate.  The first two nights at home a couple of college girls spent the night with me just to make sure I didn't fall when I got out of bed.  My church family supplied dinners for me for two weeks, what a blessing they all were.   Another friend supplied a walker, another a bathtub bench, another an ice machine.  All was greatly appreciated, but that ice machine was a god send.  I used it 24/7 for about six week, then gradually weaned off of it after another three months.  The following weeks went well until my sixth week.  The doctor removed my stitches, but there was a gap in a couple of spots on the incision,  She used a liquid adhesive and somehow she left two stitches in.  Unfortunately, I had a bad reaction to both.  An infection along with a toxic reaction ensued. It took two different medications, and a wonderful physical therapist put me back on a road to good health. God is so good, during my recovery He was ever present through His Word, His people, and music.  Looking back over this year, their were many challenges and many blessings.  My surgery and recovery was a challenge.  But the blessings out weighed them, from Kim offering to clean my place once every two weeks at no charge. Friends walked my dog, cards and phone calls offering love and prayers, visits from friends were encouraging, and uplifting.   One of the lasting negatives that came out of this was a shortness of breath that would not let up regardless of what I did to alleviate it.  As it turned out that too was a blessing for I found out that I have COPD, emphysema, sleep apnea, and possibly an asbestos problem.   Again, a blessing in disguise.  A friend loaned me her CPAP machine which I need to get re-calibrated, and a different head nose piece, but for a few days I had the best sleep for a long time.  How many times do you and I accept the status quo rather than finding out the cause of the issue?  It does not matter whether it is a relationship, physical, or our spiritual condition there is a answer and solution.  We must be open to see it, and seek out the answers.  God wants to guide us in every area of our life regardless of the cause.  He is so loving, forgiving, willing to aid us in every area.  I think, at least for me, being independent is a curse that keeps me from totally relying on Him!  It is an ongoing time of releasing this and exchange it for dependency on Him.  Our human nature, life experiences, the enemy of our soul all work to cause a separation from the One who loves us the most, wants our best, but cannot violate His character even for us.  He didn't do it for His Beloved Son, and I am not an exception.  Neither are you!  We must release our very lives to Him, in all aspects.  Trust is not easy to come too, but we must if we are to live a victorious life, abundant in Him.  But this year has been a time of putting it all in His Hands, knowing I am unable to live a life pleasing Him until I do.  Well that was the beginning of 2013.

For those who know me can attest, I have always had financial problems.  I think it began when I was a child, I spent whatever I earned or was given. Unfortunately, that aspect of my training was not just absent, it was absent.  My mom knew how to make the Indian on the nickel jump, this trait was sorely lacking in my life.  Worse yet, it was never brought to my attention.  Moral of the story: learning to handle finances has to be taught, not caught.  To add to this inability to handle funds properly, I discovered during my masters program, that I have what is termed ADHD.  I still do not totally understand why having ADHD causes or exacerbates a persons ability to handle finances wisely. Some might think, this is using this disorder as an excuse, but it is not.   It is like trying to tame a whirlwind.

I decided to attend Dave Ramsey's program and subsequent materials, and had some success.   Not as much as I or others would have like though.   I was on a two year journey, my debts would be paid off if I stayed on my course.  However, as fate would have it, my two part time jobs, which were 2/3 of my income ended abruptly.   This sent my finances into a tail spin from which I am still trying to put in order.

For those who do not understand the problems that accompany the ADHD disorder there are several behavioral traits that can cause havoc in the lives of those afflicted.   Anger, depression, spontaneity, outburst, mishandling of funds, to name a few which I have had to deal with.  This disorder is nuero-biological disorder.  It is also viewed as a learning disability as well because our processing of information is so different, whole our attention span equals that of a gnat.  Having your brain running at the speed of light with multitudes of thoughts running a race which creates more havoc.  In my era this disorder was not known, you were just labeled as a problem child who could not sit still, forever interrupting the class with a question, thought, or trying to answer the teachers question. I was not necessarily a special needs child, just uncontrollable.   When know that no two children are alike who have this diagnosis. Now, many years later we know that each child with this disorder has varying degrees of symptoms, and may not demonstrate all the symptoms.   Each child I have learned needs to be trained to train themselves, which can be a daunting task for parents and teachers.  Unfortunately, I was in my late fifties, when diagnosed during my masters program. Once diagnosed, the pieces fell into place.  Adding to this diagnosis was the fact that I had suffered a major head trauma as a child which caused a crack in my cranium, and led to my brain swelling.  School was difficult growing up, now I understand why.  But apparently this did not take our God by surprise, because He kept me alive.  I had night terrors for a couple of years, and was ridiculed, teased, and taunted by classmates regarding the scar that ran from my eyebrow down my nose to my lower lip.  Children can be cruel, and have no idea the impact or long lasting effect of their cruelty. But also adults who lack understanding and would rather judge versus accept those of us as we are, we do not fit a mold and that causes others to be uncomfortable.  But put all of this together with ADHD, head trauma, and the insecurity which embeds itself in your psyche.  Even today the effects still have some effect on me.  However, the Lord, and His Word along with understanding all of these potential negative effects has brought healing, and freedom from the captivity of these adverse realities.  Learning there are some things I can change or at least manage is freeing and reassuring.

Many people still are unable to understand my idiosyncrasies.  The hardest of these is my lack of control over over talking, an occasional vocal outburst, and interrupting someone who is talking.  It is embarrassing, and I get angry at myself, but have little control over these.  What I have discovered is that in order to be socially acceptable, I need to disengage.  For instance when in church I usually try to sit in front so I am not distracted by my surroundings.  However, I enter in mentally and emotionally with the sermon.  This results in me verbally agreeing with statements through an occasional "Amen".  At times this term can become loud, which I admit can be distracting and can even offend the one preaching.  This has caused my being reprimanded twice that I recall.  Once during a Bible Study, and recently in church.  The result is now I sit in the back desiring being distracted, and reading the scriptures and looking up words in the concordance as means of controlling my outspokenness.  As a result,  I no longer attend the Bible Study or attend group meetings.  I know no other way to not be offensive or disruptive to some.  What has transpired within my heart is feeling crushed in spirit. Hurt and anger were by-products which I am constantly trying to yield to the Lord.  However, the sad thing for me is the lack of respect I have for those who spoke to me.  I love them, but do not trust or respect them due to their lack of understanding.  My former pastor, never put me down, but embraced my uniqueness.  For he knew my vocalizing was only in agreement with what he was saying.  To the best of my knowledge, only three men were bothered possibly because they are uncomfortable with display of emotions.  Either way, it is in the Lord's hands.

When I was let go from my position at the church, it was a financial hit, and I am still attempting to get out of debt.  If I had been able to work another two years, I could have been debt free.  But that was not the case.  In February, I had a major shock.  Back in 1998 my aunt died. leaving a cousin as sole beneficiary. Never gave it another thought.  Then one day I received a call from his sister sharing that when her brother died, my cousin, there were four life insurance policies which my aunt had purchased one in my name, the others were in other nephews names, but he had left them to his children.  The catch is I needed to sign them over to them.  I said sure, and received the paperwork which I did not understand. So, I have a dear friend who is an attorney.  I called him, and he said he would help me fill them out.  Once I was at his office he had me explain the event leading to this.  He wanted to investigate, as when my aunt died these policies were legally ours not my cousins, and he had not handled them correctly, as her executor.  Anyway, what transpired was that I received half the amount of the policy which allowed me to pay off my mobile home.  What a blessing, totally out of the blue, except to my Lord.  What was meant to be an fraudulent act, God used for His owns child's benefit.

The rest of this year has had its' up and downs.  Beginning with my previous pastor being diagnosed with acute leukemia.   There are four types, and he he has the worse.  There are two of the bad types, and his is the worse of the two on top of that he has a large aneurysm which at this point is inoperable.   He has had three rounds of chemo, and God is using him even in this situation to touch many lives and has been able to witness to the staff and doctors about the love and grace of our Lord.  Pastor is a walking miracle!  To God be the glory for he still preaches too.

To add to this a very dear friend and former boss also has cancer and is not doing real well.  Another is being attended to by hospice at this time.  It seems as you draw closer to closing your eyes on this side of heaven, the loss of those one lives, seems to hit one a little harder.  Maybe because it is a reminder that no matter how much we want to be home with the Lord, our time draws nearer, and for whatever reason we hold onto this life.  But this I do know, it appears that there is a sense of an awareness when our time is close.  My husband knew that his time was close two weeks prior to his passing.  God must have somehow started to prepare him for up until then he fought to live.  Then, one day a peace replaced that drive to live, and he surrendered.

Well on a lighter note, I have been asked about writing another book.  I have the title, and it will be somewhat different from my first.  But sense it will encourage and challenge many in their walk with the Lord.  However, I needed a computer as my tablet is just not efficient enough.  So, I just bought one, band a dear firmer student set it up for me yesterday.  Was it wise to buy it on tine?  I am not sure.  Did I step out of God's will or timing?  Again, I am not sure, but time will tell.  I do not have the funds to publish this one, so maybe it will happen after I go home, but it is all in His Hands.  Or perhaps I will just give it to people.  My  first book I have donated to ministries to encourage women.  God knows, the best I can do is go with what I know and leave the rest in His care.  She, too, is widow.  Transitions still remain difficult whether its a death, change in relationships, or just the lack of proximity to loved ones.

I had the sweet privilege of being contacted by an old school chum, and student all within a few weeks of each other.  What a joy!  My old friend accepted Christ about seven years ago.  So, much to look forward to in eternity.

Some widows in my church have started a widows social group.  It has been enjoyable to get better acquainted with these ladies.  We have had a couple of outings so far, and a sing-a-long of Christmas songs.  Unfortunately, I have been battling a sinus infection, headaches, coughing,  and overall feeling lousy, so was unable to attend.    My oldest girl was in a car wreck , and has been fighting a burst T12 vertabrae.  She will find out this coming week if surgery is needed or if the back brace is doing its job.  My youngest girl also has had a rough year with a sinus surgery, which seems not to be all that successful. All in all, I will be grateful to see this year end!  Even though I can praise my Lord, and be thankful  this last twelve months have taken their toll.  Having said all this, God never grows weary, but loves us with an everlasting love, before the world was ever created!  What a truth to ponder on.   Jeremiah 31:3.  We may find ourselves down, but not disheartened when it comes to the Lord.  This world is fading away, our nation and churches are failing the test of justice and righteousness.   These were the same errors that caused Isreal to fall and be disciplined.   They forsook their God!  But I am responsible for having defeat or victory.  It depends on my attitude about these atracks, trials, and testings.  God offers His grace, strength, and peace as we go through life's dramas when call in Him.  The enemy on the other hand seeks to destroy, distort, discourage, and defeat us if we let him.  The choice is ours.  I chose to be on my Lord army, which knows no defeat.  Joshua said it best, chose this day who you will serve!  As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

I will close with these thoughts regarding Elijah in I Kings 19:1-18. We see him running after a threat came from Jezebel, after God preformed a fatal blow to the priests of Baal.  He became discouraged, fearful and maybe he was weary after this long ordeal, we are not told.  But rather than go to the Throne Room of God,  Elijah retreated, ran to to Mt. Horeb.  Satan may have suggested that he retreat inward rather than looking up to God.  I think  this is one his ploys when we feel threatened or just wornout.  We happen to turn inward.  Subsequently, when we look inward the enemy attacks us using these arrows self condemnation, inflect painon ourselves, self doubt, and too often we forget that God is on our side.  Our gracious God understood Elijhah's frailties of his humanness.  Hen we leave God out we lose the perspective of who and what our God is!  Rather let us this new year, not run to the mountains, but run to God.  To wait on Him, for He meets us at the, point of our need.  Like with Elijah, He provided a supernatural way to reassure him.  Elihah thought he was the only believer left until God showed him otherwise.  Notice God did not yell or tell him he had no faith, instead He understood, and answered him.  what sweet compassion, and love did our Father show Elijah, and He will do the same for us.!  Like Elijah, let us rest, sleep and listen to Him speaking to us with that sweet, gentle whisper.

Let us enter this new year with great anticipation for what God wants to do in and for our live.  That we woukd never lose our perspective regarding Him, that we would embrace His love, not self pity or doubt, about who we are in Him.  Let us regard our realtionship with Him primary over all else.  Not isolate ourselves when trials, and testing come.  But, rather focus on Him so we will listen for His gentle whisper of grace, love, reassurance and direction. Anticipating that, like He did for Elijah, He will do for us.  He will provide supernaturally for whatever we are going through.  Expect the unexpected, for He answers us in His way, and time.  Happy New Year, may we be ready to meet all that will be required of us for His glory.   Marantha!

Challenges of Life

The last two years have had their challenges.  Reassignments or new season's depending on your perspective have lent themselves to reevaluate mist areas of my life.   During my initial struggle regarding this change, God used Warren Wiersbe book to encourage my heart, and mind.  The quote that left a big impression us, "Lord guide my path, chose my joys, protect my name, and bless my work."   All in all He has done this very well.  With God's help through the scriptures, friends, family, and my church I can honestly give Him the glory, for only He could keep me from being angry, wanting to lash out, and to fall into fear of the future. Having not been wise with my finances, and although the loss if over half my income, He proved to be more than capable to handle them.  Nothing is impossible for our God!  He was present day and night, during the highs and lows, the attacks of condemnation from the enemy through negative thoughts, and doubts which he threw at me.  But the Lord, and His Word were my defence, my comfort, and truth!  Feelings were not meant to fight those fiery arrows that taunted me day and night.  If the accusations had some semblance of truth, I confessed them, and accepted the Lord's forgiveness, and moved forward.  Now, this season is behind me, but a new mountain lies before me. Fortunately, my Lord never changes.  He saw me through this last testing,  He will see me through this trial as well.  I praise Him for this assurance.  Psalm 119:58-59

I have been struggling with some health issues, and find it difficult to participate  in the activities I love.  As a result, I am ashamed to say, anger, self pity, and what I did not give into in the past two years, I have allowed to color my attitude, and behavior.  When I went to bed last night, my Lord and I talked frankly.  One of the beauties of my Lord is, He was waiting for me to come to the realization of my poor state mentally, and spiritually.  Psam 119:65-72

That truth came during a discussion with a dear friend, I honestly heard what I was saying and feeling. Not a pretty sight!   One lesson over the years I have learned, not always applied immediately, recognize the problem, confront it, confess it, and leave not with the Lord!  With no bungey cord attached.  During this time  I offended a friend who is no longer speaking to me, argued about a bible lesson, as if I was a theologian, and withdrew from my Lord and my devotional o times.  Oh, Instill read the Word, but not with my heart engaged during that time.  Cold, cold heart!  Why?  Good question, I and the Lord are working through this even as I write.  Psalm 139:23-24

Like Paul, I ask why do I do what I do not want to do, and not do what I want to do?  Pride, thinking I have a right to be angry, wanting to stomp my feet, and have a hissy fit!   Probably all apply, sad but true.  The cure?  Repent, confess, and move on with the Lord to whatever He deems best for my life!  The enemy attacks when you are down, and often with me, use my friends as tools either to cause pain or as a sounding board where our conversations would echo back to my ears.  Not a pretty sight for a believer!  Proverbs 18:1

My new focus is, "...quicken my conscience by the holiness of God, to purge my imagination by the beauty of God, to open my heart more to the love of God, and to devote my will to the purpose of God."   Thanks again, to Mr. Wiersbe.   This season will end, but God in all His glory, wonder,  and besuty will always be the same, and tjose of us who brlong to Him, will have all eternity to sing His praises, and worship Him in a deeper way.  He is ever present,  I intend to enjoy Him more and more.  Proverbs 18:15

Disobedience Cost Saul; David Anointed King

Saul was thirty years old when he was chosen, and anointed king.  He was the people's  choice.  He was good looking, great stature, likable, and appeared even humble, and he reigned for forty-two years.  He became psychotic about the time David killed Goliath.   Probably due to prattling and singing about David's feat.   Jonathon was forty-five when killing transpired.  In I Samuel, Saul's orders from God were very clear, for He is not a God of confusion or doubt.  But, Sauls' motives were a mix of wanting to obey God or please the people and his own ego. What followed was his disobedience to God's word.  Because of that contempt he portrayed regarding God's word he lost much.

Undoubtedly, he did not count the cost of his disregard to what God had said, or he thought so highly of himself, and thought since God had chosen him there would be no cost.  Deluding himself, coupled with disobedience cost him, his character, his friend Samuel, and ultimately his crown.    With all the advantages he had at the beginning of his reign went to naught due to his lack of cultivating his spiritual life.  Instead he became proud, feared men over God, blamed others for his own sins, and had a deep concern for his reputation above his character.  I know today people say, "character does not matter," but we have also seen where that view or lie, from the enemy of God and our soul, lead their nation, and ours into harms way.  No  amount of substituting good work, being charitable, or bowing before your countries enemies can replace obedience to God or the rejection of His word.  Each of us needs to review our walk daily  and see if we have fallen into any of these pitfalls.

The spiritual life is not meant for us to straddle between, religious rituals for spiritual reality.  We cannot allow ourselves to be tempted to have one foot in man-made religion, and one foot into Christianity.  Scriptures say, "Chose this day who you will serve, serve God or serve another."   The choice us ours, but we do not want to experience ta similar fate as Saul, we need to repent, confess and get back chasing after he wonderful and only God the Father, and Hus Son Jesus Christ.

Wiersbe says, "...the condition of the  God only accepts the worship if He accepts the worshiper.  Our heart seen through the eyes of God who knows our motives, will determine the value of the service, and our sacrifice."

So, then let us reject what God rejects, see as He sees, and allow God do all the rest.   If God could use a fifteen year old shepherd boy who played a musical instrument, and saw to it that he was ushered into a kings presence.  Davis was empowered by the Spirit of God, and so are we.  Like, David we have nothing to fear.  As Winston Churchill said, "except fear itself."

Oh Lord, our heart determines our life, its choices, and its focus.  Help us this day to focus on you, for you hold our times, and our nation in your hands.  I pray that you will cause our nation, and its people nit to look to a man for help, but to You.  Saul was self-centered, and went crazy trying to hold onto power.  But You, oh Lord are the One who places people in their positions of power, may they never forget who holds them, and the world and its governments in His Hands.  Bless You oh Lord for your many benefits our country and its peoples have enjoyed.  Now, the enemy of our God, man's lusts, hate  and rejection of You and Your word have brought a plight on our land.  Restore us Father, if this be Your will.  Love you Father God, and my Lord Jesus, bless your holy name.  We accept, Your verdict for our country, but in Your mercy,  will forgive us and restore us for Your sake, and for the sake of the nation of Israel.  Who else, but our country will come to its' aid.  Thank  You Lord for hearing the cry of my heart.  Now keep me and all others close to You, so we are not tempted to disobey, but look to You for victory that brings You glory, and honor.  Amen











himself was a high price to psy

Components of Leadership: Poor versus Good

In reading I Samuel 10-14the Lord revealed to my heart and mind a comparison of the components between what makes a good even a great leader versus a poor and evil leader.  These traits not only were startling,  but brought fear and hope to my being.   For in the reading, our countries leader came to mind.  Unfortunately, both he and his followers were much like the Israelites desires and trust was  for a human king, rather than exhibiting faith and trust in  God.  Both Saul and the people without considering the potential of their choice,  rejected God, and reaped the rewards of their choice.

Therefore, relying on their heart, and desire to be like other nations they rebelled on the God who brought them out of captivity, who loved them and proved that love, mercy, and grace He proved to them, over and over again.  Oh how we humans can be so deceived wanting to be like others who are not walking nor desire to serve God.  How often has God blessed, protected thus nation from its enemies over our countries history.  All one needs to do us see where we were, to where we are today with clear vision, not based on opinions or politics, but on facts.  History, will prove that when this nation put God first, and His principles we continued to prosper and have an  abundance. We took this for granted, but was sold a lie, which we believed, because our nation was not perfect, and rather focused on those areas needing attention, and correction we willingly wanted and desire to accomplish this utopia without God, the Bible and its principles for faith and life.  We forgot that,  perfection this side of heaven is impossible; for man is tainted by sin.  We have been seduced by our own form of greed promoted by our present leader,  rather than having a leader pointing us to strive to live our lives based on Scripture and faith in the Almighty God.  For it is He who holds the key to why we were once a great nation.

This is no longer true nor can it be said of the USA.  We have lost our way, and like the Israelites wandering in the wilderness.  For we looked to a man, versus God.  To a talker who poured salt into an open wound of areas of injustice, discontent who offered a form of Utopia.  Falsely believing that the answer is becoming a nation, like other's, who rejected God, and that put social issues, often unbiblical, above God's principles for a healthy people and nation.   Trusting in man, and his perverse ways, rather than looking for a person of trustworthy  character, who would promote continued hope and trust in the God of the Bible.  We settled for a man who professed to being a believer In Christ, yet has rebelled against all His godly principles, while promoting division, overriding our foundational documents which by the way was based on the Bible, killing righteousness and exchanging it for the deeds of the flesh.  A person, who is promoting a false religion over Christianity.  A man who appeared as an angel of light, and a wolf in sheep's clothing, and God forgive us, for our people have become haters of good, yet honor what what is evil.

So what are the marks of a good leader versus a poor leader?   According to the Book of I Samuel, they can be observed when we apply discernment which is based on knowing the difference between good and evil.  Consider the following: Saul was called to be the leader of the nation Israel; he was given assurances of his calling.  However, to become a good leader, according to fulfill, and be successful Saul needed to do several things which he chose to ignore.  He became self-focused not God-centered.

A good leader needs to able to problem solve, provide for the needs of the people, power to protect and serve, to know and hear from God, to wait and be obedient.  Although Saul started well, but as time went on, he trusted more in himself, than in God.  He showed modesty, and lack of retaliation to his critics, and although may have been commendable, but when he shirked from his coronation, it was a sing of irresponsibility.   His hiding, but was a signs of things to come, but people lacked to notice this error in his  character?   Proverbs 28:13 warns of those who try to cover their sins.

Just because one has authority and ability does not say they would make a good leader. Leadership must be proven, and successfully tested.  Saul failed on all accounts.

Saul had been given authority, he had stature, but the victory went to his head, and he began to get rid of his critics.  Does any of this seem similar to our leader today?  What about you and I, do the crisis in our lives strengthen us I the Lord, and does it cause us to trust God, build our our faith, and give Him the glory when there is a victory?  

Are we like the Israelites in rejecting a godly man of faith who is devoted to the Lord, or do we focus on his imperfections?  Saul forgot to recall the nations history, how God's power helped the nation, their covenant with Him.  Have we done the same?  No longer a nation of prayer,  forsaking the Ten Commandments, and our foundational documents and faith in God, rather he encouraged what God calls evil to appease those who hate God.  Saul weakened the army and the people with his age old religion of self-love.  This lead to his acting indecisive in matters, failure to inspire the people, failure to tell the truth, and only offered excuses.    Saul's epitaph will read, he was great on words, but weak on actions.  

Throw Your Cloak Down

I am going to attempt to incorporate several Scriptures, personal thoughts, hopefully culminating in an encouraging challenge for both myself and you that read this blog.  Lord willing, I will try to relate  Ruth to Naomi, Isaiah 43:18; the blind man in Mark10:46-52; Luke 7:47; 2 Corinthians 5:7;  2 Corinthians 8:11

My Lord's provisions, over the last three years, has been overwhelming!  When this season of life began several years ago, it was a time of tears, and despair coupled by many questions of which I had no answers.  Even though I fully believed God is sovereign, and nothing comes to His child that has not first gone through His hand.  Knowing this truth, did not stop the initial pain, hurt, rejection, and misunderstanding of my motivation, and heart.  But, in spite of the already stated pain I chose not to give into it.  For Scripture tells me, to render my flesh dead, and allow God, my defender to do His good work in me.   This includes transforming my mind, false theology, opinions etc... they are ALL now to line up with Scripture; my not feelings or erroneous beliefs.  I was willing to offer my body, but it is taking many years to transform the other things which can, if left unattended, weaken our faith and trust in Him!

In a sense, I felt some what-like Naomi who after her husband, and her sons had, died she became bitter.  She blamed God for these events, rather than looking at herself and the choices her and her husband made to disobey God, wanting not to go through a famine, thy chose to go to Egypt. They did not pray about this decision, but acted on the times they were in, and chose to ignore their God.   They went to an ungodly nation, rather than staying in Israel.  They also, allowed their son's to marry pagan Moabite women. But, all the men died.  Can't you just hear Naomi saying, "God, now what?" Naomi decided to return to her home country, an steeped in sorrow and blame, and without a thought or regard for her daughter-in-laws soul, sent them back to a life of worshipping idols, and pagan gods.

However, Ruth had come to know Naomi's God, and would not return to pagan gods. Wiersbe stated in his commentary on Ruth; "Naomi's emptiness became fullness, and her sorrow turned into joy.  "But, Ruth found her "kinsman redeemer, " and became part of the lineage of Jesus Christ her Savior and Lord.

I will at times say it woukd have been tempting to nurse my wounds, but He reminds me daily, I am to die to my flesh, for He's my Rock and Hiding Place' my comfronter, my peace, my defender, and my provider.  What did I have to fear?  Nothing!   For if I "truly feared the Lord," there ought to be no longer any other fear to distract my faith or thoughts, for fear paralyzes and keeps us from being fruitful.

However, I knew without a shadow of doubt that the devil was pushing, and prodding me towards that awful condition of bitterness, through planting thoughts, and laying on my emotions, all promoted self pity.  Thoughts like, you know the ones, poor Ellen, you did not deserve that; God must be angry with you to allow this, and those hurtful accusations.  But praise God, who had trained me in the Word of God, I knew better!  The  Scripture's reminded me, that is not the way God wanted me to go.   So, unlike Naomi, I choose not to become bitter!  On the other hand Ruth is a good example of how to respond to adversity, and the meeting of her needs: she listened, she obeyed, believed and finally received.  Therefore,  I prayed for those who had hurt me, and asked and God to bless them for I truly believe they meant it for my good.   Regardless of whether their motive was what I believe or  not, we all belong to God.  I can now say this, after three years, God has used this situation for His glory, not mine.  My responsibility was and is to follow Him, and let the Holy Spirit mold me into my Savior's likeness, and He has a long way to go!  Has it been easy, no!   But, it has proven beneficial for my growth, and training in Christ, and in godly living.

All of my Christian life God has watched over me, but unfortunately like allot of Americans  had not become totally dependent on my Lord.  It is what I desired, as Romans 12:1 tells what He expects, that and are to be a living sacrifice.  Unfortunately, I had a blind spot on this issue, for I trusted on God on one hand and my jobs and paychecks on the other.  God only allowed this dichotomy until it was time in the maturing process to show me differently He chose, and prepared a time I would be open to the truth, that went against old teachings.   The lie, to give God ten percent the rest is yours to spend as you see fit.   As a believer all we have or earn,  belongs to God; not us!  God does not want us to have credit card payments, for then we in bondage to another, rather than slaves to Christ.  We are to have no other master, but Christ Jesus.  Credit card like most debt is master over us, and what we can do with the monies we have been blessed with.  So, I am still in the throws of getting out of debt!

Praise God above He knows my heart!  So, what must I do?  Take off the cloak that hinders me, put on Christ daily.  The blind man in Luke is an interesting study.  He probably was born blind, like his father for both names are mentioned which was unusual.  At time in reading the Scripture's we take it at face value, rather than seeking what is this account trying to tell me.  This is what I discovered, and impacted me.  More likely born blind probably genetic and a beggar, the verse gives us both father and sons name.  His cloak depicted he was a real blind man, that was his identity.   He was blind, but not deaf.  He could not read, but he heard the Torah, and the crowds talking about Jesus, and His healing power.  Now, Jesus was coming by. He heard and asked, what was going on, they told him Jesus is coming.  He yelled out, jumped up, and threw off his cloak (his human identity) Jesus Son of David have mercy on me.  Why this title?  His spirit was not blind, that title  meant he knew that Jesus was his Messiah.  Fascinating!  Jesus stopped, and asked what the blind man wanted. Why did he need to say his need, Jesus knew before he asked what the need was, but wanted him to articulate his need?  (Good example for us when we cry out know and express our need.)   Jesus said, "your faith has healed you."   Then, he received his sight!

Well for me, it was time or me throw my cloak of poor theology concerning  my finances.  This  has proven to be the best time of my life, having to trust God for everything, and He has been my provider for the last three years as well.  Through Him, my mobile home is paid off.  It came about in a miraculous way.  An aunt had died in 1998, and left an insurance policy in my name, of which I had no idea.  Then, this year in February, I received a call regarding this policy.  Apparently, my cousin had kept this information from myself, and three other recipients.  Long story short, God had a plan for the monies, through subsequent circumstances, I did not believe that I would receive any of it, but God had a different outcome intended.   Two weeks ago, I received half of the policy amount, and paid off my home.   Praise to God, for His goodness and provision for this old lady.

I have been called to stay faithful, and keep out of future debt.  My goal is to out of debt s much as I humanly can.  I have added debt due to medical bills from two surgeries, but am slowly paying them off along with two other bills. Last week God blessed me again, for He knows,  the desire of my heart is to get out of debt.  God laid on the heart of a friend who gave me a cell phone which I do not need to pay the monthly bill, and cancelled the one I do pay for.  On top of that my daughter will look into putting me on her family plan when the contract is up on the current call phone.  What a God! Iask Him every day to help me with my finances and to give me His wisdom regarding my spending.   God has honored that prayer.  I had no idea this help with my monthly budget would come this way, but I am learning ask, but do not tell Him how to answer that need, unless it is a specific need like the blind man.

How much do I love God, Luke 7 says it best: "those who have been forgiven much, love much!"  We are His property;  and own nothing anymore!  Like the blind man, I live by faith; not sight!

I will close with this truth, in 2 Corinthians 8:14, tells us that we are to give eagerly to our fellow brothers and sisters in need and the church.   Only God is able o do this, that your plenty will supply their need, so in turn they will supply your need.  Then it said, "he who gathered much does not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have to little."   This truth took on a new meaning o me this week.  I have little, by the worlds standard, but I do not have too little.  He will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory.  I prayed in the past for an easy way out, "God sell some of your cattle. "  No answer!  Why, because I asked amiss.  He will not answer a selfish prayer, until I begin to live as He desires, and do what is pleasing to Him.  It is not that hat I asked was wrong, but I was continuing to charge.  So, why would He want to support in doing what He already has said s wrong.  Looking to paychecks for my provision is wrong; look to God for the job can easily be removed.  Charging and looking to your income is not a means unto itself, but our provider is God,  and wants to provide for me (you) like He did for Ruth.  That is  focus that was correct.  So, once I have new sight, I must throw off the cloak of blindness.  What are you blind to, and need to cry out for mercy.  Please, throw off your cloak now.

For we are new creations in Chist, put on the new man and take off the old!  Walk in newness of life in your mind and heart.

Throw away the cloak of slavery to whatever it might be: erroneous thelogy, wrong belief system, wrong identity, debt and/or any blind spot.   If you are not sure which is your wrongful cloak, pray to have it expose to you.  Once revealed, correct it, and put on Christ and live as he tells us to do in Scripture.

Blessings and allow all your convictions to shape your confidence in God.

4th of July, Independance Day

How much time and thought do I or you give to this thought?  Probably not as much as we should.  But the reality of this day and its meaning was thought-provoking.

Questions came to mind like: Do I live like one who was set-free?  How do I deserve this gift?  The truth, I deserve this freedom,  no!    How was this freedom obtained?  For my freedom I enjoy in this country  those who served this country in all of its armed forces.  For my soul, it was the sacrifice of Christ.

Those of us who were blessed to born and raised in the USA  we owe a debt of gratitude to our service men  and women.  Especially to those who were injured, maimed,  and lost their lives.  To these, I with tears in my eyes, and thanksgiving in my heart am so very grateful for their sacrifice.  Now, I am free, a proud America, who loves her country,  and what our forefathers  intended it to stand for.  But there is One I owe much more!  God allowed and planned for you, and I to be born in America.

When I was in college, I attended a class that had a profound, and lasting affect upon me.  The class was called Religious Movements, the study of all the religions if the world.  Why?   Because, it  brought home the truth, my birth in the USA was no accident, but was purposeful.   So, I could hear the Gospel of Christ, become His own through His shed blood, death, and resurrection of Christ.

Now, I am washed clean from all my sin.  This allows me to have communion or fellowship with my God and Lord.  He has placed a calling on my heart, and gave me His Spirit who empowers me to fulfill that calling.  My responsibility is to serving Him, and my fellow brethren, as I grow into maturity, through the study of the Word, applying it to my life.   Thus, being able to share Christ with all He brings into life, and come alongside them as a discipler assisting them them towards maturity in Christ.

This morning I had the privilege of hearing three servicemen; one a former POW who was shot down over North Vietnam.  While incarcerated he and others had the opportunity to share whatever they could recall of the Bible.  They tapped those verses using Morse Code on the walls of the prison.  One of the gentlemen who shared this morning, said, "I wish that I had more verses to offer."  He also shared about suffering, and that rather than complain lean into the pain regardless of the fear it causes.  By the way, he flew home on the same plane Senator McCain was on.

Please note  I got ahead of myself so you can read the rest of his story where there us the word "note," (The next veteran, served in Afghanistan.   He was a leader of his men, and they had pulled over and surrounded the car.  He summoned the driver to lift up his hands, he complied.  Then he asked him again  to get out of the car, he declined.  Then the driver detonated the bomb he was carrying.  He was blinded, and became bitter, and rejected his faith and the Lord.)

Another soldier, was also serving in Afghanistan.  He was on patrol looking for mines that were hidden.  As he moved forward he stepped on one which blew his leg off.  He knew that and also knew his other leg was pretty badly shattered.  After returning to the states, and waking up seeing his mom and wife, he was told he lost both legs.  He attributed his living faith, and love for Christ in bringing him through that ordeal without hate  and bitterness.  The he shared this story to reiterate that truth.

This story is about teaching his daughter to swim.  Before putting his precious child in the water, he placed a flotation devise on her.  She learned to rely on the devise for her support.  As she got stronger swimming, her dad  began to deflate the devise a little at a time.  Once she was strong enough swimmer,  dad put her in the water without the flotation devise.   He remarked that this is how we, too, grow and experience freedom from anything that encumbers us.  When we grow in Christ and the Word, we experience freedom and no longer reliance on any other than God for our support.  The third serviceman is from my home state, Washington.

Note:   He was an outdoors man, athlete,  and believer in Christ.  While growing up, his mother made sure he read his Bible, and attended church.  Though this he learned discernment.   How to chose friends, and what was God's will for his life.   He ended going to to West Point.  During his life he taught Sunday School, and impacted a young boy.  While recuperating in the hospital he refused to see many celebrities.   His wife prayed earnestly for restoration of his heart and soul.

One day a young man came to visit, this one he could not refuse.  It was the boy he had impacted so much, and who was now at West Point, as well as a believer.  The blinded soldier wept for twenty  minutes, repented and was restored to his Lord and family.

Since then, he is the only blind soldier serving, and has gone on many outings like climbing Mt. Rainer,  and other things he grew up enjoying.

The essence if these men's stories is this: Trusting God is built on suffering.  We are not to rely on any support other than God, .  Freedom comes through growth that is founded upon suffering.  

Joshua 1:8-9, tells us to study, meditate, and do tbe all that is written, then you will prosper.  Further, we are told not to fear, because He is with us wherever we go.  Also, in Joshua 3: 3-4, we are told to keep our eyes on Christ as represented by the ARK.  Follow it,  keeping Him in sight, for you have not passed this way before.  Each day is a journey as we are not told what to expect, but we know, and trust who holds our times in His hands.  Now we can rest in this truth! This is our mission: He sends, we obey and go.