Odd that almost after two years of retirement, I can now say, Thank You Lord! Life seemed to running along at my normal hectic pace, when within two months both ministries came to a screeching halt. Needless to say I was devastated, hurt, felt sentenced versus another opportunity opened up to serve my Lord, but it would look and feel very different. Being very aware that regardless of intent, purpose or rational, God is still on the throne and knows all of our hearts, their motives and responses to this situation.
Up to then, I had been working very hard to pay off all my debts. I had accomplished most except for a couple of sizable ones. Adjustments are hard, no matter how you slice it. Transitions will or can make you crazy and feel insecure mainly because we cannot see down the road as the Lord does. It felt like the brakes had given away I was careening down an embankment into a territory that was totally unfamiliar.
Fortunately, God is never further than a prayerful cry away. Don;t you just hate it when you don't know the answers, only the questions?
Prompted by the Holy Spirit, I picked up a book which had been on shelf for a very long time. "With the Word: A Devotional Commentary" by Warren Wiersbe. God knew exactly what I needed for all those questions and feelings. The Lord and Mr Wiersbe walked with me through the stormy gale that kept causing one Tsunami wave after another to surface. However, in Isaiah 43, He told me I would not drown and for He was holding me and my head above the Storm. For the most part, since coming to Christ joy, optimism, and peppiness have been a major part of who I am. But now, my emotions vacillated back and forth, and if that were not enough there became another wave smashing against me, an angry and hurt family member. It was almost more than I could handle. Satan, was throwing his arsenal at me, but the Lord kept me in my church family and reading His read most of the day along with constant prayer. Friends prayed for me, called or sent cards. There were many questions about the decisions that brought things to this point, but the Loving Lord showed me that it is okay to struggle, it is okay to hurt and cry and even ask questions; but it is not okay to run off at the mouth concerning these events.
A choice comes in those moments of deep losses, become a Cain or Esau or more like the Savior. Regardless of circumstances God called me to Himself; and gave me a work to do. Now, it looks, feels familiar, but still different. Oh, how I am so grateful ,that our Father in Heaven and His precious Son Jesus are on call 24/7. Life has gotten better, yet different. Different does not always mean something bad or disappointing; it is just different.
So, why recall all this? For two reasons: one, Wiersbe wrote through the influence of the Spirit in I Kings 17, speaking of Elijah who declared a war against Ahab. A drought ensued for three years. For due to Ahab's influence and coldness of hear to God, the people trusted Ball, not God. Wiersbe wrote: "God took car of His faithful servant. During that time of "retirement" God led him., feed him, and enabled him to help others, including a gentile widow When we walk by faith God supples our needs and opens doors of opportunity for us." This passage was as if, God was saying to me, I did it for my servant back then and I will do it for you. My job like Elijah was and is to trust the provider and not look at the provision.
A sweet sister in Christ gave me a devotional for Christmas by Sarah Young. I carry it in my car. Last night as I was parked and waiting to attend a meeting with some time to kill, I picked it up and it opened on page forty-nine. Reading ti said: "Thank Me for the conditions that causes you to be still. That is a word that no one has ever used defining me. So, it caught my attention. Then it goes on the say, "Some of my greatest works have been done from sick beds and prisons cells. Instead of resenting your weakened body, search for My way in the midst of these very circumstances. Limitations can be liberating when you strongest desire is living close to Me." The Lord knows my slowing down due to age has been a throne in my side. So, rather than complaining, I will be thankful, joy over sorrow; peace over turmoil; hope over despair; His strength rather than my weak body.
This was a beautiful reminder that these times are special. It is up to me to see this through His eyes. For His strength is perfected through my weakness.
Who are looking to for answers? Are you grateful for His provision? Or do you look back to what was; rather than looking forward to what "is?"
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