Why am I Blogging?

Good question.  I wish I knew the answer.  Have you ever had these types of thoughts?   Why do I get up in the morning?  Why? Why? Why?

As I am prayerfully pondering this question, the scripture is that comes to my mins is; "Whatever you do in word or deed do all to the glory of God."   So, I ask myself can my God be honored and glorified by this endeavor?  If so, who is going to read and participate in this with me?  After all, I could be cleaning my home, calling a friend or one of my girls, my nieces, son-in-laws, grandkids not nesscessarily in that order, but yet here I sit at my computer typing and wondering if this is in vain.

It is like when my book in rpocess.  Would anyone buy it?  Would it minister them as was my heart desire?  The verdict is still out on this question.  Although those who read it had good things to say and I remmebr one lady saying she keeps going back and reading it again.  Even my beloved former pastor has read it twice.  So, are my motives wrong for writing this blog and/or my seven years in writing, finding editors, and finally spending my savings to write the book?   

Is this soul searching this morning from the Spirit of God, from my own expectations that, my thoughts are worth another ladies time and perhaps money?  That sounds arrogant.  For, all God's women have a story to share about our Lord's work in thier lives.  To know oneself enough to realize what is said or written, does not matter a "hill of beans" unless it touches hearts and souls for Christ and the sake of the gospel.  It has been said, "Our life will soon be past; ONLY what is done for Christ will last."  

My heart burst and cries for all women saved and unsaved to see that their value and worth is not in what they do, how they look, (although if our barn needs painted we owe it tot hose around us to freshen it up), in family, dress size, power, money, position, (except for our position in Christ), house-money-status; it is found in the Person of Christ Jesus.  All and I do mean all of those things listed as nice as thy may be can all be lost, destroyed, burned up, stolen or separated from us.  Only whenwe discover our value and worth is based upon something higher and outside of ourselves can we really become whoever He desires for to be. 

You see, my worth and value are not found in my girls or other members of my ommediate family, nor in my ministry at church, or teaching at a Christian University.  Some of these the Lord has seen fit to remove.  It was not pleasnat at the moment and I felt lost, rejected, and at one point wrestled with the thought that I must have been a horrible person for them to let me go.  But, at no time did my true value and worth in Christ come into question, only now what os my purpose in life?  For so many years it was serving Christ in these two positions.  Yet, deep down I knew, my service was a 24/7 proposition.  I believer many get caught up in their purpose and see it as where they receive their value and worth. 

Now my purpose is still the same: glorify God, declare the gospel, stand up for truth regardless the cost, but the avenue by which this is done has taken on a different location.  It is still serving the at my church, as I am able, and now mainly in my home , on the phone with those in need of prayer and encouragement, and wirth those God brings across my path daily. 

Transitions are very tough, even if it is exciting and fun.  We, humans are cratures of habit and do not like change of any sort.  But, change can be good if we see the change through His eyes.  During this difficult time my job seen through the eyes of God and the words of my bible, was to allow scripture and the Holy Spirit to produce in me those Christlike qualities He so desires for all His childern.  Rather than feeding te flesh, fanning the flames of hurt and pain with venom.  This may ot be easy, but when we bend our will to Christ's, only good can come from the process.  God allowed this to take place, He knew what my finances were, the feelings and questions that would come to mind, the taunts and arrows of the enemy, but none of this ever decreased my value and worth to Him. 

My health kinda took a nose dive lately and my stamina is way less than before.  This aging process is also hard to adjust too.  I loved working with the 5-7 year olds, but recently my enegy seems to slip away about four in the afternoon and this ministry is at night.  Right now pride, guilt and sadness have been a constant companion on Tuesday evenings.  Pride over thinking thatl of etting people down just tears me up; guilt because I  know their short-handed , sadness because I grew to love my kids.  Although NONE of hese feelings ever came from the leaders, it is an area within me God is irradicating.  For the Lord hates pride of any kind, and there is false guilt that really ougth not have any part of our lives.  Missing the children, I can pray and hopefully see them on Sunday's once in a while.

I will continue to write this blog whether any reads it or not. However, this bloghas been good for me as it helps to review ones heart and mind and then take corrective action to replace the stinkin-thinkin and mis-placed expectations with scripture. 

So, like my book, I dedicate this work to Him; may I stay faithful in what He has given me  presentlyto do.

What transition are you facing?  Has it caused you to question your worth and value because it was founded on any thing or any one other than Christ?   What is your purpose or role now and in the future? Does your life bring Him glory and honor? Lord, please guide my steps, chose my joys, protect mine and your name, and bless my work. (a paraphrease )from Warren Wiersbe.