What will they say?

Once this life is over; what will my family, my friends, my clients, my pastors and my acquaintances say about me and my life's journey?  Recently I attended a going home celebration.  I am not sure that any other funeral has ever had such a powerful impact on me. 

Pre-Christ they might say I was mean, full of anger, insecure, limited abilities, full of fears (now most are gone), I'm not perfect, but love deeply.  I was the fallen sparrow with a broken wing.  Unable to fly, helpless, hopeless, never good enough, joyless, doubting why I even was born.  For had I not been born those things that took place would not have happened and the subsequent view of God, the world, men and myself was tainted and skewed.  I wanted more for my girls.  But, did I fail them as well?  There is not a shadow of doubt in my mind what my life's legacy would have been. This is what weighs heavy on my heart today. 

But, now being in Christ has that legacy change?  I believe the answer to that question is a firm yes.   Many other questions arise like: did I love enough, as Christ loves; did I forgive enough; was I open and honest enough; was I loyal enough; did I stand for His truth and gospel; was I standing firm in the faith enough?  The answers will come one day but, one thing is for sure, I will not be spiritually present at this celebration service.  Will I hear that wonderful and sought after phrase, "Well done good and faithful servant." 

Transformation is a process slow yet sure.  Any change in my attitude, love, compassion for others, acceptance of others is due to the Lord, His Word, and the Holy Spirit.  I have not arrived.  He took a person that hated herself, stubborn as a Missouri mule, strong willed as a quick broken horse and shaped, molded and prodded me to yield and at times bend my will to His.  The only thing that will cause me to arrive in Heaven is what Jesus did on the cross for me; trusting that and praying that I live for him, through Him, and become like Him regardless of the cost. 

He delivered me from the tormentors of my soul.  My Lord always listened to my cries, never acted disgusted or disappointed I was alive in Him.  Pre-Christ I was dead to my families heart, never accepted, dad was gone, mom was weighed down with her own demons of mental illness, alcohol, drugs and hate.  She died hating me and God.  Nothing like my Grams, mom's mother, who died listening to Psalm 23 being read to her.  Brother Ken and Jack are gone, I pray they are in Heaven and look forward to meeting them there, but I have no assurance of this desire.  Brother Dean, is unsaved full of anger and self-righteousness.  I pray for his change of heart and mind.  It is hard to be hated and lied about by your one and only living brother.  Yet, nothing is impossible for God; He is Able.  I pray for the reconciliation between him and the Lord and then with myself. 

If as the analogy goes that my life and being is a vessel, how much of the world crept in to influence my attitudes and actions due to not being in the "open sea " of life and "opportunity?"  How transformed was my mind?  How much scripture was written on my heart to share?  How much of me did I give away in service and love for Christ and His people?   What was the influence my life had and all who knew me?Was my transformation enough that the past would be forgiven and not brought up?  Do I see myself as Christ and others do?  Knowing He knows me perfectly; where others have the own opinions and do some degree distorted vision.  Did I allow His truth make me hungrier and thruster for Him and His Word?

I am thankful for my girls and pray that any damage down from their growing up years be healed if the Lord ha not down this already.  I sought their forgiveness after I saw myself through His eyes.  My girls, praise the Lord, are strong women, compassionate, loving and caring., yet they learned how to worry, and battle stress much like their mom did.  I know that as they grow in Christ those unnecessary things can be placed in the past. 

I am on Christ's chosen path of life designed just for me, and I am grateful for the ups and downs, the hills and the valleys, for the floods and fires, because He has proven Himself over and over again.  I am rich in Him, and blessed beyond words.  All of those blessings overrides anything the flesh, the devil or the world have tossed at me; because He is my refuge and hiding place.  Whom should I fear?  I am for once in my almost 78 years, loved completely, secure in whose I am, forgiven past , present and future sins, mercies new every morning, made new (yes new) in Christ.  A life that is beyond anything I could have dreamed of as a child crying softly in my bed wanting to die.  Yet in my brokenness, weakness, and so undeserving Christ accepted me and chose me to be His.  No longer a victim, no longer a survivor, but made new and now an overcomer due to my gracious Lord and Savior. 

My final thoughts about this topic: that I will brag ONLY on Christ, that He will allow me to serve Him and His people until I die regardless of where or how is up to Him.  My deepest desire is that my family, friends and others will see Christ in me, that the life He gave me will bring Him glory and honor, to love as He does, to live as He wants me too, one could not ask for more. 

Lord allow me and help me to live and walk the "path of life" you choose for me without grumbling, complaining, but with excitement, joy, and anticipation of what You will accomplish. 

Some of my favorite verses: Isaiah 61:1-3; Romans 12:1-2; Romans 8:28-9; Colossians 1:9-11; Ephesians 1; 4:1-16; Deuteronomy 6:4;  Isaiah 43; Psalm 1; Proverbs 31; and Titus 2.