Testings and trials come our way for many reasons. Some, are to help us grow; another is because we have made poor or sinful choices; yet another is to see what we have learned from our times of testings; and another to cause us to deepen our relationship with Him.
I have learned, I still need to use spiritual eyes at all times regardless of the season of life I am in. I have also learned that it is too easy to get caught up in our feelings; rather than examining those testing times through the eyes of the Lord and scripture. When going through the valley, at least in the past, I would comtenplate or try to ascertain its cause. Once you know and understand the cause it is easier to adress the issue that brough it about.
Are you prone to be depressed? For me the answer is yes, Seasonal Affective Disorder and Dysthymia have been a battle for me especially in the winter and rainy months. However, neither of these maladies fit this last testing. Someytimes it is simpler if one could use these as an excuse. but not this time. This time, my Lord was drawing me into a deeper relationship with Him. For me, it is like doing a forensic study of the cause of the testing; then to submit to the outcome.
The cause was lack of sleep which has been a pattern ever since my return from Indonesia. When at UPH, my sleep pattern took a nose dive. Went to bed at 7:30 to 8:30, and wae up unable to return to rest at midnight or 2 a.m. By the end of my stay, absolute exhaustion was the outcome, leading to crankieness,.short temper, and not liiking myself much bacause of my reactions to my roommate and students. It was a lousy testimony for the Lord, resulting in self-loathing for not measuring up to who I was meant to be in Christ. Unfortunately, this attitude is a hold over from childhood. As a result of this time, my sleep pattern has been off for three years.. A good nights sleep only came after becoming exhausted after three to four days of early rising; which could be at 2-3-or4 a.m. Once in a blue moon my eyes would open at midnight. Rather than toss and trun and become more frustrated, I would get up and do house hold chores.
However, during this last bought the Lord open my eyes to see that some or part if this malady was due in part, if not the whole, on the enemy of my soul. When one is exhausted your mind does not operate sufficiently to evaluate the why's and wherefore's. But, this time my Lord got ahold of me and caused me to see the reason for my distress. Lack of sleep creates a vulnerablity for the enemy to sneak in with his fiery arrows. Thoughts of hurtful past situations, sins that were confessed and covered by the blood og the Lamb might surface, results of poor choices plaguae you, with it all culminating in less sleep and lack of joy. Satan is a robber, deciever, joy stealer, accuser, and if one is not careful you begin to doubt yourself and at times your God. Unfortunately, this worked for a short season this time, but it went too long to my thinking.
The realization came when attempting to sleep a scene between my mom and I came forth. Stunned, and shook up, I cried out to Christ, because I knew that this situation had been forgiven. I had lost my temper with my mom who was living with me at the time, over her disgusting remark about a friend. There was an altercation words were said, which are deeply humiliating coming out of my mouth. Nevertheless, with a more rational mind I was fully aware that this fiery arrow was taken to Christ and received His forgiveness. This scene replayed caused me to see the enemies hand, and immedaitely rejected him. Now, I could only do that because of knowing and beliveing this was forgiven. That started me on the road to recovery. As a result of this and knowing something had to be done to restore a good sleep cycle, I spoke with a friend who is a nurse. She gave me perscription to get back on track. I had to chuckle to myself, because I knew what she told me to do already, just never applied it to me or my situation.
Fo rthe last two nights using the perscription of saty up longer, drink some Camomile tea, about half hour before retiring, and not read or watch TV, because it stimulates the mind. It worked well thre first night and last night was better. Maybe, if I can keep this routine up for a week or two this sleepless cycle can be broken.
When the attack subsided, and I evaluated the test and its outcome a couple of things became very clear. For staters, I was not putting on my armor daily, the sleeplessness became not a spiritual, but a mental and physical situation. It was a spiritual battle the whole time. I was doing the Lord's work both here at home and overseas. Overseas, no one in the psychology department intergrated scripture and faith into their subject matter. The school is a "christian university" but because their are many differnet faiths, especially Muslim, the instructor had not beem taught how to integrate God's priniples or Word into their lessons. Naive as I was, because of my training at Corban University and Bible Study Fellowship, for me intregration comes naturally. My psych director was worried about offending the Muslim students; I was afriad of offending my Lord who brought me there. Long story shory they hored people from Biola to train the instructoras how to teach an integrated lesson. By, the way, my Muslim students were not offended because of my approach using God's prinipiles.
I as mysef why did I not see this lack of sleep as a throne or arrow from the enemy? I believe because I was so tired, knowing I was ewhere the Lord asked me to be, it did not take on for me that it was spiritual warfare. Am I a slow learner or what?
However, the Lord waited until a few days ago to reveal this truth to me. Now, it makes sense, and I pray the lesson is leaqrned that regardless of what may appear a normal cause and effect one needs to pray and seek His thoughts and solutions on the matter. Spiritual warfare is real, it can be subtle like mind was, or it can be in your face.
I Prais emy Lord, for His healing and insight! What did I learn? That regardless of the situation, illness, or circumstances beyond your control, test to see if it is an emeny attac. I am even deeper in my belife that nothing will cause me to lose faith in Christ and my loyalty belongs to Him amd HIm alone. Hopefully, in the furure attacs, I will see them as they are, an attack, and not try to just pass it off as somethimng other than it is.
Lesson? Seach out the rational for the test, and evaluate whether it is test or an attack from the enemy. Full knowing that if you are in Christain service regarless of how small, you are vulnerable for attack in the hopes you will get discouraged, lose faith in the Lord, and stop growing into a deeper realtionship with our Blessed Savior and Lord.
Jesus declared in John 8..."I know where I came from, and I now where I am going." I know what He saved me out of amd I now where I will go when I die. Nothing can separate me from the love of God! Hold onto that truth and graow without murrmuring or complaining; always chec to see why you are being ested or tried; if no sin surfaces, then it is time to grow into a deep4r relationship with our Lord. Blessings on your head and anyother part of your bady you need it onn
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