Well, it is 5:37 a.m., and have been up since 4. This is not new for me, but is better than before. If I could get my dog Yuki to sleep, I would be able to sleep longer. Unfortunately with my knee problem, walking him is out, but is the best solution.
Saturday I go to my daughters for Christmas for five days. A gal from my church Stephanie Galver, a young lady from my church family, is dog sitting, PTL. Having a pet is like having a child to watch after, and make arrangements for their care.
I have been blessed by all my fellow Salem Heighter's who pray, and are my support group. However, I do miss my pastor/friend, and his wife to talk with . Every time I think of them and the journey they are on, I cry because, I miss them so!. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys at SHC, but at times I believe due to their youth, they are not very comforting, for too often their words are diminished by what appears to be a lack of sincerity. Words like we love you or care about usually lacking because at times like these, they take on a flavor of their own, which seems insincere. I am sure this is not what they mean to communicate, but it appears they have no time tor will not take the time due to business in ministry to connect or follow through, at least with me. Possibly, this is due to what transpired a couple of years ago, words were spoken on both sides that may have left a hands off attitude. I pray this is not true, but it sure feels like it.
In two more days I will find out whether this mole is cancerous or not. But, I must admit that I am nervous, not frightened, fearful or worried. Because, I know in whom I trust and believe. Fortunately, if it is cancerous, I have been thought this drill before, and know some of what to expect. However, it will change my plans about the knee replacement surgery. Which may have to be postponed anyway due to the out-of-pocket cost. I am still paying off my eye surgery for the next six months, and unable to take on another payment. As one can imagine a revamping of my budget is majorly in order, needless to say a need to purge and cut-back is my goal. With the Lord's guidance; this can be done. I am blessed beyond words with my Lord's love, provision, and care.
A few months ago, I was lead to believe I might inherit some money which would have eliviated my situation greatly, but the Lord had other plans for me. He is my all in all, and most of all I want Him to be gglorified in my life. At times, I really sense I have let Him down being so weak, undisciplined, and careless with the funds He has given me. He has every right to discipline me. I have been a spender and love spreading the wealth around by giving gifts, and shopping. My Lord knows not to trust me with a good amount of money, so I will not be receiving the monies, I thought I would. Yes, I am disappointed, but trust God knows what He is doing. Bottom line, whatever transpires may He be glorified.
Well enough of my prattling on, I will close with this quote from Warren Weisrbe which has become my theme since I was released from my church position and from Corban. Yes, a double whammy!
Warren stated in one of his devotionals related to Elijah I believe: "Lord guide my steps, chose my joys (a new thought at the time), protect my name, and bless my work." During the time of the drought and seemingly a lack of serving God, He continued to bring people to Elijah to minister to; this was and is also true of myself. So, I know my Lord is not done with me yet. However, I hate to admit it although I am poor in funds; I am rich beyond words in my Lord, faith, and even in being able to minister to those He has brought my way. Counseling is a passion for me. To see people stand on the Word and trust the Lord for the outcome, brings me great joy and satisfaction to be used by my Lord Jesus.
My spiritual gift is exhortation, which lends itself to counseling. Since, it was a gift from the Lord, I have been hesitant to charge many who have come to me. Probably, only 1 out of 10 have paid, and then usually a very small fee. Over the years many have admonished me for this inability to charge for what God gave me to us d to share His Words for binding up the broken hearted, releasing the captives, and setting the prisoners free, (ISAIAH 61:1-3) my counseling philosophy. I have absolute faith that if people will stand on His Word, they will be healed ( it is often a long process), then become an oak of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He will be glorified.
As I work with people, some have accepted the truth, some have balked, some say I was too harsh, for too often even in counseling truth is not always wanted. Yet, I doubt that anyone could walk away, and not know that they were loved, but might have been offended by my delivery. At times, I felt like John the Baptist, declaring truth where hearts were unwilling to hear it. It is also true that my personality may get in the way, even though I share with new people, that I am blunt and to the point, but hopefully presented with love. My solace for this approach is found in Agape love and in Proverbs; love will do what is best for the person whether they want it or not, and better a slap from a friend than a kiss from a fool. I pray I have done know harm to people,and have shown that they are loved.
Why have I shared my heart and soul? I have no idea, unless it is of the Lord's doing. I do pray that anyone who might read this, will accept it in the manner that I have written it, with God, serve Him and His people, yet have much to learn yet.
Boy, what does one do without a relationship with Jesus Christ? How can one face the day, and all of its uncertainty? Maranatha, come quickly Lord Jesus.
Stay tuned in as I will share the diagnosis of the mole on Friday afternoon. At least I pray I will have an answer then.
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