Well Lord, it is Monday morning and I just goofed up on my checking account. What a ninny! This mother of three girls has one that is great with accounting. Not I! Susan is the numbers person in the family., must have gotten this from my brother Ken and my mom. Both can make take a nickel and make the Indian jump off the Buffalo.
Nevertheless, I can find Much to praise You for: life anew daily in Christ. Yesterdays message was a great reminder of who He really is, Supreme Commander and chief, Holy Son of God, God the Father's sacrifice for my and all who know Him, salvation, and so much more. In retrospect to the problems of this life they pale in His view. It is a marvel to me how much God the Father and His Son, love me. Lord help my vision to center daily on You and Your will as I draw close to you that You and You alone. For my greatest need and desire are to keep You in the center of my sight, heart and mind. Help me to remember and make you my number one priority. Forgive me, for failing in this area so often.
Life can bog me down with its various trails and testing, but when I keep my gaze fixed on the Lord Jesus a new breath of life fills my soul. It is like the morning air after a Summer shower, sweet and as you take a deep breath your lungs filling with that sweetness it is like Christ is embracing me with His purity. My hope is renewed for it is placed on Him and His finished work on the cross. This encounter creates within me a desire and almost compulsion to live better each day, not to let the pain of limbs and age distract me from what I an do now, not what I would like to do or would have done in the past.
I think growing old is much like a teenager tying to grow up with the exception at least for me, trying to hold onto, what was not what is. A hard reality is knowing one has less energy, cannot do some of the little things I use to take for granted. Like, I tried to move my bed back against the wall, knowing I could not push it with my arms, I chose to brace myself against the dresser and use my legs. It turned out to be a bad choice, because I forgot that having bad feet, arthritis, bad knee (probably facing knee surgery) has made my excuse the term muscles rather flabby. Well you probably have guessed it, I pulled something in the back of my into my buttock. Since then sitting has become a chore unless the chair is well padded. I so desired to
go to one of my adopted girls graduation party yesterday, but by the time I went to church, bought groceries, I hurt so bad I couldn't make it. Or helping out in Rock Salt, and not being able to finish at I wanted too. Due to this body of mine, and the pain, my energy runs out by 3-4 in afternoon. This has been my dilemma; not doing what I want, but being okay with doing what I can. Lord will I ever learn?
My sweet friend Chrissy, reminds me that I am unable to do what I use too. I don't know which is harder always asking for help, and feeling like a burden or trying to accepting my limitations. Sometimes I feel useless both to my Lord and to mankind. This transition of ageing and being retired is as hard as the transition from being married one moment and then a widow.
The beauty in all this that when looking back and seeing what my Lord did during that period of my life it gives me hope that He is not done with me yet. My problem is I get impatient to done with this part of the transition and want to move on to my next assignment, whatever that may me. But again, my impatience shows and distracts me from the goal of growth and acceptance.
Have you read Hinds Feet in High Places? It is a wonderful allegory of life's journey to Christ. At the very end of the story her name was changed to that which now more properly fit her. I think as one looks back each person could give a name to various aspects of life. I know I can. First fifteen years was Fearful; next twenty years was self-hate; next was New, but transformation was slow; next was Learner and Growing; then Joyousness through serving the Lord and Him allowing me to use my gifts; then comes Set Aside and Yielding, this is where I am at now. But, one day, my new name will come and along with it abundant joy and fruitfulness. For He will complete His work in this lowly servant.
My prayer for you my friends who may read this, is that you embrace life and all its transition and titles. So that, when we get home to be with Him, He will say "Well done good and faithful servant." What a day that will be when my Jesus I see. But until then, I must, yes must, yield to this transitional period in my life, not rely on anyone but him, for then and then only will disappointment enter in. Blessings on your heads and any other part of your body that needs it. To God be the glory!!
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